Hey, where the heck have you been?

I can’t believe it’s already 2023. I can’t believe it’s been almost two years since I last posted on this website. I mean, I’m used to feeling a bit disconnected from time, especially since COVID. For me, and I think for a lot of others, it sometimes feels like the pandemic swallowed entire years whole, like they never happened at all. But even so, it was a shock to the system to see just how long it’s been since I shared an update with you all.

So first off, I’m sorry.

I would have shared this sooner, but I wasn’t ready. In truth, I’m not sure I’m ready now, but so many of you have reached out asking for an update, I feel like I owe it to you. So here goes.

This past year and a bit has been tough. Really tough. They say bad things happen in threes, but I would have happily taken that deal. It started with a health issue, and after that it was like a row of dominoes, just one thing after another. For a while, it felt like I could hardly get through a week without another shoe dropping. In the midst of that, some of the people I thought I could count on for support let me down, profoundly. That turned out to be the biggest blow of all – the kind that shakes your faith in people, and in yourself. The stress ended up making the health issue worse, which created more stress, and so on.

I’m not going to get into details. And I recognized, even in the toughest moments, that my troubles paled in comparison to what so many have gone through these past couple of years. I have a roof over my head. An amazing husband, a loving family, supportive friends. Even so, I had to put a lot of things on hold and just… catch my breath. And one of those things was Rose 4.

I tried to write when I could, but it was hard to sustain any momentum, and the last thing I want is to deliver something rushed or forced. Rose deserves better, and so do you. For that matter, so do I.

The good news is that I begin 2023 in a much better place than I began 2022. A little dented, maybe, but hopefully better equipped to face the future, whatever it dishes out. For all its heartbreak, the pandemic delivered some valuable lessons – about the people around us, and about ourselves, if we had the courage to take a good hard look. Hardship brings out our truest selves, for better or worse. Some people turned out to be so much more than I gave them credit for — and some much less. For my part, I’ve been reflecting on my own behaviour. Did I reach out enough? Was I there for those who needed me, even when I was feeling vulnerable myself? Did I correctly distinguish the line between self-care and selfishness? I’m still processing, as I think many of us are. But for the first time in a while, I feel like I’m processing from a place of optimism, and that’s everything.

This has still been hard to write – God, I cringe just reading it – but you deserve an explanation for the long silence, and an overdue reassurance that Rose 4 (tentatively titled PEARLS AND POISON) is still happening, albeit on a much slower schedule than any of us hoped.

Wishing you all health and positivity in 2023, and I very much hope to have good news in the near(ish) future.

Erin Lindsey